Boredom
by Caitee Marsters
Summary: Buffy starts getting bored with her line of work, starts liking Spike again, and an odd creature shows up on patrol (a LotR crossover)
1. Boredom

Author's note: Hello all. This is the first fanfic I've posted on this site and hopefully not the last, because it will be if anyone thinks I'm too horrible. Anyway, I love constructive criticism, and welcome it with open arms, but please, don't flame.  
  
Disclaimer: Buffy, Spike, Giles, Willow, Dawn and Xander and the whole wonderful idea for the Slayer and, okay everything but Gollum, yeah, all Joss. Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy rock. No I'm not any of them, because if I was Joss, I would be sitting under Anna's Christmas tree. Gollum is owned by JRR Tolkien, an inspirational and awesome writer if there ever was one, and I praise him.  
  
Buffy was patrolling in the graveyard.a pretty boring, ordinary and incredibly slow night. Most people wouldn't consider being attacked by a vampire a "pretty boring, ordinary and incredibly slow", but Buffy wasn't most people. Hey, she'd died three times, and didn't consider it all that exciting or incredible. She didn't consider the countless times she should've-died-and-didn't all that exciting or incredible either. Come to think of it, nothing was incredible or cool anymore about being the slayer. All she wanted to do was sleep most of the time, and think philosophically so she could sound wise the times that she occasionally did talk to her friends. She'd grown distant lately, and she knew it. Last night, she turned down Spike coming patrolling with her, one of the other stupidly random things she enjoyed. She didn't have to save his ass all the time, and he screamed out funny British words as he fought, and sometimes Buffy found herself saying them when she was alone. It wasn't the same with Giles, he was too polite (so he didn't swear in British very often, so the only times he did, he was angry and not funny) and always getting hit in the head, and again, Buffy would have to save his ass.  
  
Buffy hated thinking about her friends as weighing her down, but the thoughts just popped into her head sometimes. She shook her head and told herself she didn't mean it.  
  
"Hello Slayer." A dark figure jumped in from behind a tree.  
  
"Oh blood- Oh. Hi Spike." Buffy stammered out.  
  
"What were you just 'bout to say?" He asked, raising his brow devilishly.  
  
"Nothing, nothing. Why are you here?"  
  
"Well, it's like my backyard, you know. Got a cozy little crypt in the corner, and this is almost like my garden."  
  
"Oh yeah, I could just stop and smell the death."  
  
"Yeah well, it's an absolute art. Harvesting all this blood, laying it in rows.ripe for the picking."  
  
"Oh. That's pleasant."  
  
"Believe me, luv. I know." Buffy liked that name. She knew it was another funny British thing, but she'd never heard Spike call anyone in the Scooby Gang that but her. Dawn was "lil' bit", Will was "Red", and he had a few choice words for Xander, too. Nobody else was luv."Slayer?"  
  
"Oh! Wait, what?"  
  
"You were bloody staring at me like I'd grown a horn. You've been a little off lately.anything wrong?" He looked genuinely concerned, with his big blue eyes.no. Not this again. She couldn't like him.not Spike. Not again.  
  
"No. I'm.fine."  
  
"Yeah.right then."  
  
"Well, I guess there's nothing out here.I'm gonna head back."  
  
"I'll come. Got nothing else to do. It's a little odd, the nothing attacking lately."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"It's gotta be boring to be the Slayer when there's nothing to slay, I'll bet."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Got anything else in your vocabulary, pet? Besides yeah?"  
  
"Yeah.er, mm hm."  
  
"Well, that's bloody interesting. I can have a conversation with a tape record- Oh bloody hell!" Something had jumped Spike from the top of the gates, and was clinging to his head, so Spike couldn't see. Buffy tried to sustain a giggle, because the thing didn't look like it could hurt a fly. It had bulgy green eyes, and its fingers were long and spindly, like they'd been through a war. It looked more scared than scary. Spike was still trying to get the thing off his head, so Buffy took one swift kick and the thing went flying. Spike dove, and pinned its arms and legs. It struggled and tried to bite him, but two seconds growling in game face had it frozen in fear.  
  
"No!.Gollum does nothing.did nothing.we hurtses no one. We is lost, do not hurt us weary traveler.Point the way home.home nice, we has left precious at home. Nice fisshes, wiggly and warm.none here, that we can find.you have fissh? We is hungry for nice fisshes."  
  
"Spike, maybe you should use some of the training you got with Drusilla right about now."  
  
"Hey, when Dru talked, she just saw things. I half knew what she meant. Unscramble what he means, and I can sweet talk him into a cage."  
  
"Did that work for Drusilla?"  
  
"Well, I put Dru in a cage for different reasons but-"  
  
"SPIKE!"  
  
"Sorry, but I can get him into a cage, I think I'll need fish though, pet."  
  
"That's what it sounds like."  
  
"Fissh? Fissh to feed us.oh, you a nice orc, nice orc."  
  
"What in bloody hell is an orc?"  
  
"An ugly, ugly one, like your other face.It growls and hurts us, when we does nothing.do we precious? No, we don'ts do nothing.yet it hurts us."  
  
"Right. Now why do you think I'm an orc?  
  
"You growls and have a mean face with bad eyesies.it scares us."  
  
"Well, this has been a nice chat. Listen, come to my house, and we'll have lots of fishes in the BASEMENT." Buffy hinted to Spike.  
  
"I'll go make sure all the windows are boarded.so none of the fish get stolen." The little thing seemed quite content with this answer and decided to walk behind Buffy, while Spike ran ahead. 


	2. Information

Author's note: Hello again. I just posted my first story like 10 minutes ago, so I figured I'd write another chapter before I get any flammage, or before I forget what I wrote about. So here goes.oh, and again, please, no flaming, but constructive criticism is welcome always. And remember, Spike is hot.Angel is fat.  
  
Disclaimer: No, I still don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or Lord of the Rings but, in Shellie's (an awesome writer, go read her story, after mine of course) words- if I had the money, I'd buy both. I offered my brothers as payment but they said no. What more could they want.all the screaming.okay, getting off topic. Anyway, I don't own them and I doubt I ever will. But read the story anyway.please?  
  
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"Bad orc! Bad orc!" Gollum struggled against his ropes, and Spike rinsed off a bite mark on his hand.  
  
"Now, what is your name?" Buffy asked, stooping down.  
  
"We has many names.Sméagol.but not much. Gollum.call usses Gollum."  
  
"Okay, Gollum, where did you come from?" Buffy asked gently.  
  
"Many places.we come from the earth, where the hoof beatses are heard.the sky, we hears beating wings and cries.the water, the water has fisshes.you find us in the water.on the middle-earth."  
  
"Hey Will, where's the middle of the earth?"  
  
"Like the core or the equator?"  
  
"Gollum, was it really hot where you were?"  
  
"Only when we was walking lots or when we where near his mountain."  
  
"Whose mountain?" Willow asked trying to get him to give her a clue where he came from, by some sort of landmark.  
  
"His. Sauron's Mount Doom.it hurts everything.and sees all with the eye. Whens we did hold our precious; we sawed him sometimes, didn't we precious? Yes, then the nasty hobbits.the Bagginses steal her from us! Bad hobbits! Bad Baggins!"  
  
"Got that, Red? Middle-Earth, Sauron, Mount Doom, hobbits named Baggins. Go google."  
  
Willow rushed upstairs to her laptop, and sat down, ready to google. Then she remembered, she tripped over her chair running to her bookshelf, but found what she was looking for. "BUFFY!"  
  
Buffy came bounding up the stairs, ready for a fight to save Willow, but all she found was her bookworm friend reading a book, not abnormal. "What?"  
  
"This book, it's a classic, it's called Lord of the Rings."  
  
"Really? I, uh, thought you were googling?"  
  
"No, I didn't need to. These books are all about Middle-Earth. It's a fantasy world with all sorts of demons and fantasy creatures!"  
  
"What kind of fantasy creatures?"  
"Elves, dwarves, hobbits, and men. Except their world isn't completely dominated by men, like ours. In Middle-Earth, men are actually the weakest. Listen to this:  
  
Three Rings for the Elven-Kings under the sky, Seven for the dwarf-lords in their halls of stone, Nine for the mortal men doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his throne In the land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them In the land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.  
  
"That's nice, but I don't understand-"  
  
"I read this a long time ago, but I remember that Gollum was the wretched creature that used to be a hobbit, and was tortured by the 'One Ring' for, like, 500 years! It 'poisoned his mind' and he became Gollum, an evil side of Sméagol. Sauron is the Dark Lord, and the Baggins are hobbits. The uncle, Bilbo, he found the ring in Gollum's cave. His nephew, Frodo, decided to take the ring on a quest to destroy it, and rid Middle-Earth of all evil forever."  
  
"That's a good summary for reading it a long time ago."  
  
"Well, I saw the movie, too."  
  
"But it gives us a lot to work with. Thanks Will, you always come through." Willow gave her the sweet smile that she always had, the one that said 'no problem' in complete innocence. It gave Buffy hope that she had the best friends in the world, and that Slayers really could have a social life.  
  
Buffy brought the book downstairs with Willow close in tow. She heard someone come in the door.  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
"Yeah, Dawnie? Oh my god! What happened?"  
  
"Somebody pushed me in the pool-of-glowsticks, and some broke." It sounded like a good explanation, Dawn was glowing like a demon of some kind. It was pretty funny, even though it looked like her beautiful, flowing, white dress was ruined.  
  
"Slayer!" Spike called from downstairs. "Help!"  
  
Buffy scrambled down the stairs, Willow and Dawn close behind. When Gollum saw Dawn, he inched into the corner. "Elf! Bad elveses! Their ropes burn us, and the arrows prick us!"  
  
"What elf?"  
  
"There! With hair like sticky mud, and glowing like a white star!" He pointed to Dawn. Buffy seized the opportunity of Gollum being scared of something besides Spike, because Spike wouldn't be there the whole day, if they didn't solve this mystery by sunrise.  
  
"Oh, that elf. Yeah, she'll get you with her special elf ropes and arrows if you don't be good."  
  
"Oh, we be good! Do not hurt us!"  
  
"You'd better. Spike, go home, you've gotten bitten more than you've bitten anything else today. The sun'll be up soon."  
  
"Well, have fun, luv." There was the name again. Buffy melted.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
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	3. Welcoming

Author's note: Well, gracias to all that gave me a review, I hope to hear from more. Oh, and in my story, there is no first evil (yet) and so there is no slayers-to-be in Sunnydale. Tara is dead, but Willow did not go evil, and has her powers a little more under control now. But Spike did go and get a soul. Xander and Anya are still engaged. So, if I haven't confused you too much, power to you, and read on.  
  
Disclaimer: I still don't own them, and Joss has set up a restraining order. If the wonderful JRR Tolkien weren't already at rest, I would have scared him into a heart attack by now with obsessiveness. And I hope someday I will own Spike.he will be mine, all mine.to do anything I want to. LoL. I bet James Marsters would be scared of me, too.  
  
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The whole Scooby Gang (minus Spike of course) took turns all through the night staying downstairs with Gollum and Dawn. Giles tried to ask it questions, Willow tried to make friends, Anya struck up a conversation about how cool dragons were, and Xander got freaked out of his big bulgy eyes. Buffy just watched it, and after a while, he turned his head away, as if scared. The whole night, it never slept or took his eyes off Dawn. When Dawn went upstairs, though, he started to complain.  
  
"Why does hostages get no food? Cruel elveses.cruel orcsies.cruel men." Gollum moaned.  
  
"Giles, can you go get some frozen fish?"  
  
"Frozen! No! You will ruin our wonderfully wiggly fissh!"  
  
"It's that or nothing."  
  
"Bring us sweet water." he trailed off, "None of your nasty frozen fissh!" He spat.  
  
"Whatever. Giles, did you hear that?" But the weary watcher was already bringing a glass of sugar water down the stairs. He handed the glass cup to Gollum, and immediately regretted it. Gollum took one small sip and threw the glass back at him. Buffy used her slayer reflexes to kick the glass away from his face, and it shattered against the sheer force of her foot. A few shards landed at Gollum's feet, and he skittered away in surprise.  
  
"Sharp shinies hurt us.they scratch and bleed us."  
  
"Yeah, well, there's a lot stronger forces in Sunnydale." Buffy glared at him with a piercing gaze she had learned from Dawn. Gollum quickly got the message and grinned with big ugly teeth, in a hey-I'm-innocent sort of way.  
  
Dawn came down the stairs again, hearing the glass smash, to see what was going on. She had taken to the role of the threatening one very seriously, but also talked in a way that reminded Buffy of Joyce's tone when Buffy got in trouble. "Gollum! What did you do?"  
  
"Beed bad.bad us. We will not do it again! Yous haves our word."  
  
"That was a very bad thing to do! I'm going to bind you with my special elf ropes!" She brushed aside her hair, and turned towards the stairs.  
  
"You.you not elf!" Gollum gasped. "Where yous ears?"  
  
"Uh.of course I am! I'll prove it with my elf rope!" And went into the Buffy's cabinet for some rope. She had obviously forgotten that they were 'out' of special elf rope, a point Buffy tried to casually whisper to Dawn. Dawn waved her off, saying that she knew. Dawn found some worn barbed wire and wrapped it around Gollum. He squealed and screeched, yelping something about wanting to go home, orcs were nicer. They left him down there, to go eat breakfast at IHOP. He was still screeching when they all left, and Xander remarked, "Glad we made our guest feel so welcome."  
  
*Sorry this chapter was so short, I just wanted to finish it, so I would have something to load and feel special about it.Wait for the next chapter, It'll be more exciting with some new characters.* 


	4. Visitors

Author's note: Thanks for NO ONE reading my story except my friends when I tell them to. If your just reading this story for the first time now you should be ashamed for being so rude and nasty to me. YOU BIG MEANIE! Anywho, now that we're all feeling a little calmer.this chapter should be cooler.more characters and all.so read it and don't weep. That's only funny to me isn't it.well, as Shellie says I'm a crazy-insane (dillusional) -Drusilla-like person. Oh well.she's Willow, so it doesn't matter to me. Ha ha Shellie.  
  
Disclaimer: No.I don't own anything, not even a hamster. Too bad.I wanted a hamster. Much with the confusion from the crazy-insane (dillusional) -Drusilla-like person.  
  
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The Scooby Gang had come back from IHOP, after stalling for as long as they could. Buffy stepped in the door first, ready for an attack from the ugly fish-loving creature. No such luck, just a blinding light and a high screech from the basement that Buffy recognized as Gollum's (she had been hearing it even through her sleep) and a lower, more masculine one, that was obviously Spike's.  
  
"Why in blood-er.why is he here?" she yelled for no one, and slammed down the stairs. The bright light was coming from a portal with a hand sticking out of it, and Buffy stopped for a moment to admire the irony, until a sudden grunt from Spike hinted that he was playing tog-of-war with the had over their only piece of evidence.Gollum.  
  
"ACH! Let us go! We does nothing.we hurtses no one.stop pulling!!!"  
  
Buffy grabbed Spike's end of the rope and in a delayed burst of slayer strength, sent Gollum, the hand, and all the things attached to the hand hurtling toward the wall.and Buffy landing on Spike. Gollum scrambled up and wrapped his own hands back around the pole, and Spike got up to inspect their new clues. Buffy didn't really want him to get up, it was.comfortable.  
  
There was a blonde guy, with really long hair.and pointy ears? Buffy thought maybe it was a Halloween costume.that someone liked too much and wore it all the time, or something. There was another guy, with a kind of rugged looking goatee and a black cloak. Then there was a short guy with a braided beard.this was getting really bizarre.  
  
"WILLOW!" Buffy screamed, hoping that with all Will's knowledge of things paranormal and strange, she would know why people dressed this way.  
  
"What, what, what?" Willow frantically scrambled down the stairs, ready to help Buffy do something of importance.nope, Buffy needed her brain again.  
  
"What are these people doing in my basement.and why are they dressed like a costume party gone wrong?" Buffy asked mostly to herself. "And what did they want with Gollum?"  
  
"Well.probably the only people who know Gollum is here are us, and the people from his home.so I could go get the book- NO!"  
  
"WHAT?" Buffy whirled around, hoping there was someone there to catch her roundhouse kick. No such luck, Spike ducked, and Buffy lost her balance.and fell in his lap again.  
  
"Whoa there, luv." The name.he said the name.  
  
"These are all characters from the book.this, I believe, is Legolas. An elven prince of Mirkwood. This is Aragorn, or Strider. Heir to the throne of Gondor, he is now a Ranger. This is the Dwarf, Gimli, son of Gloin."  
  
"Willow, where do you keep all this information?" Buffy asked with a grin. Willow pointed to her head, and smiled.  
  
"Uh, luv, as much as you know I'm enjoying this comfortable spot here, Xander-boy is giving me angry looks from at the top of the stairs, and I think I'm lying on some sort of sword." Spike raised his eyebrows at Buffy.  
  
"Oh.well, yeah. Of course." Buffy reluctantly got up. Just then, Buffy saw the elf's eyes flutter open, and he sprang to his feet, dragging the half sleeping cloaked guy with him, and kicking the braided-beard dwarf awake.  
  
"Who are you? I mean.state your name and business."  
  
"Well, LEGOLAS (making it clear he knew that she knew who he was) , My business is that you were trying to steal our little clue here.and this is my house so I think you'd better answer that question first. Over pop.or tea, or something?"  
  
When they went upstairs, Aragorn was the only one who liked root beer, and it turned out that Gimli had some rather nasty side effects to it. Xander and Gimli were having a burping contest and they could still smell the reek of Gimli's breath. 


	5. Demonstrations

Author's note: Well.thank you ANNA for reading my story.and reviewing it.cause you were the only one.now I'm all sad. Oh well, I love Spike so it's all better. Anywho, I'd really like some more reviews about how you think the Spuffy aspect is working out and if you think that the Lord of the Rings Crossover is a good idea. So please review, and tell me everything you're thinking about my story!  
  
Disclaimer: Um, duh, no I'm not Joss.though that would be fun, cause then I would know James Marsters.he's so cute, OMJ, I love him. Anywho, I don't own anything in this story. except the Author's note.  
  
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By the end of the evening, Buffy and Spike had gone down into the basement to show Aragorn what strengths her slayer powers had given her, and give him a brief explanation of the slayer's duties. Aragorn found their weapon closet, and they were doing a little training. Spike was also dutifully sitting on the stairs, watching, waiting to jump in if the fighting got a little too close for his comfort. As he smoked a cigarette, Gimli came down the stairs, and looked at the cigarette with great interest. He pulled out his pipe and showed Spike, and there they sat for an hour, watching Aragorn and Buffy compete in sword fighting, and after Buffy taught Aragorn the secrets of the crossbow, he returned the favor by showing her some sword tricks. Whenever Buffy or Aragorn picked up any weapon, Gollum recoiled around the pole. He didn't speak all night, only peeked out of the darkness to make sure no one was coming with any more 'elf rope'.  
  
"Buffy! I'm gonna show Legolas what the Bronze is. We'll be back.um, later okay?" Dawn yelled from the top of the stairs.  
  
"Why don't we all go?" Buffy asked, walking toward the stairs.  
  
"Where shall we go at this hour of the dark night?" Aragorn asked, his dark eyes curious and anxious.  
  
"Though Gimli son of Gloin is always one to go on an adventure, I think I shall retire. 'Twill be my duty to take the first shift of watching the wretched creature in the basement." And with that, Gimli put away his pipe and lay down on the couch, one eye open. This action freaked out Gollum, and he skittered around to the other side of the pole. Then he saw Aragorn's sword sitting on the ground, and he scooted back around towards Gimli, got scared, went back to the side with the sword, jumped back to looking at Gimli, and after a minute or two of springing back and forth, he put his head in between his knees and started to wail. Aragorn raised his eyebrows and put the sword back into the scabbard at his side, and pushed Gollum around to that side of the pole. Gollum looked up, and when he saw no sword, perked up his ears and closed his eyes more peacefully.  
  
By this time, everyone else was at the top of the stairs, staring. Buffy sighed and went upstairs, with Aragorn and Spike close behind.  
  
Before they left, Giles had decided to stay home with Gimli, and Willow and Tara said that they would patrol. Buffy, Spike, Aragorn, Legolas, Dawn, Xander, and Anya set out for the Bronze around 9:00, and Aragorn and Legolas decided to take the excuse that they had been to a costume party, instead of wearing any other clothes.  
  
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At the Bronze, as expected, people stared at Legolas and Aragorn with curiosity and some fear at the shining weaponry. Dawn whined for a while and finally got Legolas to take off his weapon belt. She dragged him to the dance floor where her friends were waiting, and all of them immediately fell into condescending voices of praise and flirtation. Legolas just smiled for a bit, then looked toward Aragorn to help him. Aragorn was deep in conversation with Buffy.and Spike was getting quite annoyed. Spike watched Legolas stare pleadingly at Aragorn for a while, and snickered to himself. He only took action when he saw the something that struck him as strange. A young, oddly pale girl, took Legolas' hand and pulled him into another room. "The boy was strong, yet he seemed caught off guard with this girl.maybe a strange coincidence or maybe some not-human strength is on her side. Either way.I probably should go help the boy before he's caught.too off guard." Spike thought to himself. He went over to Buffy, and whispered that he was going to go help Legolas, and that he thought he could handle it. "Just come looking if I'm too long for one vamp." Spike added as a caution. Spike swept up Legolas' belt and ducked into the small room, which he had to break the lock in order to get into.  
  
"Elf boy! Where'd you go?" Spike went into vamp face when he heard no response. "Look out, here comes Spike."  
  
Just then, a dark haired girl, taller than the other Spike had seen before, stepped around the corner.  
  
"No escort? Well, you must be just a walk in then." The girl stepped out of the shadows in full vamp face, and was obviously surprised at another vampire looking back at her.  
  
"Well, where's the elf?" Spike asked to break the silence.  
  
"Your friend? He's a little.occupied." Spike heard a loud crash from a few rooms away, and when the girl looked back as well, Spike staked her.  
  
"Oh." Was the girl's last word.  
  
"New at this, are we, pigeon?" Spike muttered to the pile of dust. Spike heard another crash and followed the sound down a close staircase, hidden in shadow.  
  
He Spike smelled another vampire and followed it to a back room, with a door stained in blood. He kicked the door, and it easily fell off its rusted hinges. Legolas was standing there, pressed up against the wall by the girl, who was still trying to find his pressure point in his neck.  
  
"None of you know the first thing about being a vampire do you?" The girl whipped around, and Spike kicked her in the jaw, sending her wheeling onto an old cot/ moth house. Spike threw Legolas his belt and bow and arrow, and he put them on quickly while the girl was still getting up. Spike punched and kicked the girl down to the ground without much effort. "Hey, elfy, why don't you do the honors? Shoot her with your arrows.right in the heart." Legolas whipped out an arrow and easily shot her at such close range.  
  
"Damn it." And she exploded into a pile of dust.  
  
"What-what was that.thing? She was a woman.but then-"  
  
"She was a vampire. Like me. That's Buffy's job, to slay these things."  
  
"Then why aren't you dead?" Legolas held up his bow again.  
  
"Whoa, hey. I've got a soul, unlike the other vamps. I'm a good guy. But why Buffy still doesn't kill me? I don't know. I guess she's just kind of used to me."  
  
"Well I'm glad you explained that, because I definitely don't know." Buffy walked in, with Aragorn in tow. She smiled, and looked into Spike's eyes for a quick second. "God, he's so cute." She thought to herself.  
  
"Well, hello hello." Cackled an evil sounding voice behind them.  
  
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